| “ | Jeff: What is wrong with you?! Peanut: Too much Starbucks! COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Jeff: You didn't have coffee before the show. Peanut: Okay, I admit. It was crack. Jeff: No- Audience: *laughter* Jeff: You didn't do crack before the show. Peanut: Well then you did! Jeff: Pfft. No. Peanut: Come on, it feels like one of us did! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Audience: *laughter* Peanut: Did you do crack before the show? Jeff: No. Peanut: During the show? Jeff: No. Peanut: After the show? Jeff: No. Peanut: When? Jeff: Never! Peanut: What? Jeff: I've never done crack! Peanut: Are you sure? Jeff: Yes. Peanut: Are you lying? Jeff: No. Peanut: See how angry you are? Jeff: Yea. Peanut: It's the crack! Audience: *laughter* Jeff: There isn't any crack! Peanut: Oh my god, he sold it all! Audience: *laughter* Jeff: Will you please explain to everyone I don't abuse drugs? Peanut: Okay. *snork* Audience: *laughter* Peanut: Come on, you gotta at least smoke weed! Jeff: No, I don't smoke pot. Peanut: Never smoked pot? Jeff: No. Peanut: Never done drugs? Jeff: No. Peanut: Then how the hell did you come up with me?! Audience: *laughter* Peanut: You're a sick man! Jeff: Will you just tell them? Peanut: Okay! *looks at audience* Jeff does not abuse drugs. Jeff: Thank you. Peanut: He's an alcoholic. |
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| —Jeff Dunham: Arguing With Myself | ||