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{{ArticleIcons|competitive=y}}
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{{for|other uses of John|John (disambiguation)}}
:''This article is about dishonorable Smash excuses. For the smasher, see [[John Padilla]].
In the ''Smash'' community, a '''John''' is an excuse for a player's underperformance that results in a loss in a ''Smash Bros.'' game, for example not using the correct attack, having a poor [[controller]], or narrowly losing a match, among others. It can be considered an equivalent to the word "excuse". In addition to its use as a noun, the term can also be used as a verb, where players can be accused of "Johning". "No Johns" has also seen use, primarily to counter players who are said to be Johning. A "prejohn" is an additional variant of the term, used to describe making excuses before the start of a tournament or set, in order to downplay the legitimacy of an opponent's victory before the competition begins. Making excuses for why a player lost is generally frowned upon by the ''Smash'' community, and players who repeatedly John are often criticized for making these excuses.


==Origin==
The term "Johning" was started by the [[Crystal City Crew]] from [[Texas]], during the late 1990s, following the release of ''[[Super Smash Bros. 64]]''. In addition to future professionals such as {{Sm|Caveman}} and {{Sm|Rob$}}, another member of the crew was named John; this player became notorious amongst the other members for frequently making excuses for his losses while competing.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://kotaku.com/no-johns-the-high-school-smash-bros-joke-that-became-1838155961|title="How A High School Smash Bros. Joke Became A World-Famous Saying"}}</ref> Eventually, the other members of the crew began to accuse him of "Johning" whenever he made another excuse; the terms "John" and "No Johns" were also eventually used by the players in order to generically refer to excuses.


As the crew began to gain more exposure, including attending tournaments out of state, they still used the term "John" and its variants, spreading usage of the term to other crews and players; the term eventually became widespread throughout the ''Melee'' community, and the members of the Crystal City Crew were surprised upon seeing its usage on [[Smashboards]].  
A '''John''' is an excuse for losing, missing a [[recovery]], being hit by an attack, or any number of unfavorable events in Smash.


The smasher from which the term John originated still plays ''Melee'', under the tag "Turbo Ace" or "Tuner_Ace", regularly attending local tournaments in San Antonio, Texas
: ''A statement or action that detracts from the validity or quality of a competition (or its implied significance), irrespective of truth.


==Regional variants==
In Sweden, the term "Yuna" is used interchangeably with "John", here referring to the smasher {{Sm|Yuna}}, who became known for similar behavior to John. Players say "Inga Yunas", pseudo-Swedish for "No Yunas".


Spain has numerous synonyms to the term "John", with the two most common being "No Veyrons", after a smasher from {{s|wikipedia|Catalonia}}, or "No Joshis", after the smasher {{Sm|Joshi}} from {{s|wikipedia|Andalusia}}. "No Veyrons" is more common in northern Spain, while "No Joshis" is more common in the south.
==Sportsmanship johns==
* I suck
* You're much better than me
* I should quit
* I'm going to lose
* You're too good


In Germany, a counterpart called "No Stacos" evolved, leading back to the player {{sm|Staco}}. Staco was known in the German community for frequently using excuses both for victories and losses, often claiming he could have performed better in both cases. While Staco later retired from competitive ''Smash'', the phrase is still commonly used. In written form, especially on Smashboards, the digit sequence "<<" was established by him, stressing his disapproval when something was not in his favor; the sequence is called "kleiner als kleiner als", which, in German, roughly translates to "less than less than".
==Self johns==
* I was the wrong color
* I wasn't trying
* I let you win
* My fingers hurt
* My hands are sweaty / greasy
* My eyes hurt
* I don't have my glasses
* I'm tired
* I've been drinking / smokin' the reefer
* I'm hungry
* I'm out of practice
* I don't care
* I don't own this game
* I have a life
* I'll win next time
* I kept killing myself
* I would win if I didn't SD so much
* I'll whoop your ass at another game
* I just started learning how to play
* I'm just playing for fun
* I don't money match
* I need my name tag on
* I hate this controller slot
* I need music while I play
* I was just sandbagging
* I know I'm better than you


In Mexico, the term "no Miltons" originated as a synonym after a player known as Milton who often made up excuses (like playing with a broken finger) whenever he lost a game in a tournament in 2009. The city of Tampico uses the term "Tiesar", after a player known as Tieso.
==Foe johns==
* You suck
* You need high-tier characters win
* You have to counter-pick me to win
* You play this game way too much
* You play cheap
* You hack / cheat / glitch
* You're already warmed up
* You play with better people
* You take this too seriously


In Italy, a player living in Florence named {{sm|demLong}} (a.k.a Dem) became infamous for similar behavior to John, with his most infamous claim being that he lost because his hands were cold. As time went on, his excuses became so creative and well-known that the usage of "no Dems" replaced "no Johns" in the whole country, reaching even the neighboring Switzerland.
==Insult johns==
* [expletive] you, you [expletive]
* Your mother
* My penis > yours
* at least I have a girlfriend


In the Netherlands, a player's mistakes, mis-inputs or encountered disadvantage states are often attributed to the ''[[rumble]]'' setting, which causes the controller to vibrate during getting hit or while performing certain moves. Having not turned off this setting is an often blamed scapegoat for a player's blunders.
==Demographic johns==
* Can you stay out this late on a school night, kid?
* Aren't you a little too old to play games?
* Wow you're asian what chance did I have..
* Black people are inherently good at this game!
* Spanish FTW apparently..
* Wow I got beat by a girl.


==In Nintendo media==
==Hardware johns==
During [[EVO 2014]]'s ''Super Smash Bros. Melee'' singles tournament, a short video was played that featured Nintendo of America's then-president, {{s|wikipedia|Reggie Fils-Aimé}}, vocalizing Nintendo's support of the tournament. After sharing his appreciation for the ''Melee'' players at the event, Reggie wrapped up the video with a challenge for players to face him in the upcoming release of ''[[Super Smash Bros. 4]]''; at the conclusion of the video, Fils-Aimé said, "And if we ever do go head-to-head, please, no Johns."<ref name="Nintendo EVO 2014 Video">{{cite web|url= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwobfEp1bPc|title=Nintendo EVO 2014 Video|author=Fils-Aimé, Reggie|date=2014-07-13|publisher=Nintendo|accessdate=2014-07-14}}</ref>
* The television is laggy
* My controller  is malfunctioning
* I just got this controller
* This isn't my controller
* My controller is really old
* I'm not used to this version of smash
* It's not my gamecube / memory card


In {{forwiiu}} and ''[[Super Smash Bros. Ultimate]]'', one of the [[name]]s that can appear as an autopick name is "NOJOHNS".
==Gameplay johns==
* I hate this starting position
* The level gayed me
* The game glitched
* The camera sucks on this level
* Pause messed me up
* Vibration is throwing me off
* WTF just happened
* How did you hit me?
* How did I miss you?
* Pitch a tent, camper
* Spam some more
* You only have one move
* There's nothing I can do!
* Stop running from me
* Chainthrowing is gay
* That's so broken
* Wow that took no skill
* You're so predictable!
* I wish my character would do what I wanted
* Whatever this isn't my main
* Items are retarded
* C-stick is cheap
* How did I miss the ledge?
* Where was my midair?!
* ****it I saw that coming
* I so teched that
* This game is so stupid
* * L R A Start *
* * hits controller, ganks plug *


==References==
==Level johns==
{{reflist}}
* Cloud denied me
* Cloud saved you
* Claptrap wrecked me
* The barrel sucks
* Moving levels are stupid
* Wind screwed up my recovery
* ... Poké Floats?!


==See also==
==Anomaly johns==
*[[Broken]]
* Phantom hit..
*[[Cheap]]
* Get luckier with misfire / judgement hammer / turnip pull plz
* Woah, random spike / invisible ceiling glitch
* I fell through the level..


[[Category:Terms]]
==Environment johns==
[[Category:Competitive play]]
* Temperature is uncomfortable
* Lighting is poor
* Smell / noise is distracting
* TV is too small
* Poor angle of the TV
* This seat sucks
* Volume is too low
 
==Tournament johns==
* If I had gone I would've won
* Pools / brackets are rigged
* Seeding sucked
* Facility is small / crappy
* Not enough TVs
* Poor venue
* House take is too much
* Pot is too small
* Entry fee is too small
* Entry fee is too large
* Too far away
* Home region advantage :'(
* Taking too long
* I play worse at tournaments
* I was too nervous
* I got pulled over for having TVs in the back of my car..
 
==Tournament Organizer johns==
* We're having a door fee in addition to our take of the pot
* We expected more people
* Not enough cubes/tvs
* People are slowing us down
* The AC isn't working
* No outside food
* Stop yelling
* Bawls?  Cost $2.00
 
==Team johns==
* My partner sucked
* Too chaotic
* They targeted me
* Partner jacked my stock
* Friendly fire blows
* Wow this level lags
 
==FFA johns==
* I lost track of where I was
* Omg team some more noobies
* I can't edge guard!
* I'm sorry I lost because I actually had balls and fought
 
==Crew johns==
* You guys got lucky with the lineup
* Too bad we rape you guys in everything else
* We were missing some people
 
==Forum johns==
* You're lucky you live far from me
* I would wreck you IRL
* You post like a 2 year old
* You aren't funny
* Learn some grammar
* You don't know what you're talking about
* I have more posts than you
* I have more rep than you
* My sign-up date is older
* Use the search bar
* TLDR
 
==Meta johns==
* No johns

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