Starban (SSBD)

Starban in Super Smash Bros. Dream
Universe	Ultraverse
Availability	Unlockable
Final Smash	MIND CRUSH

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“	Starban descends to Brawl 4.5!	”
—Introduction tagline

Super Tricky Athletic Radical Boy And Nose, commonly abbreviated as Starban (スターバン, Starban), is a character in Brawl 4.5. He joins the brawl as a downloadable character, but one must fulfill the conditions necessary to allow the game to download him first. The unlocking conditions are so absurd carefully thought out and hidden that players will have hours of agonizing pain and discomfort fun trying to unlock him.

How To Unlock

• Pray to the Ultraverse gods so that they may bless your copy of Brawl 4.5 with Starban's grace
• Convert to the ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇᶫᵉ religion, then go on a pilgramage[sic] to ヽ༽༼ຈلຈ to see the holy text at the Goyball sports store
• Play -1 VS. matches

Attributes

Starban is one of the most potent fighters in Brawl 4.5. I mean, every April Fool's, there's always at least one person complaining about how OP he is, so he has to be good.

Moveset

		Name	Damage	Description
Neutral attack		That Ain't Falco	6%	Starban releases a wave of energy around himself. It comes out in 1 frame, is jump-cancellable on frame 4, clanks with most attacks, and launches enemies straight up, making it literally a Falco shine. Combo into more jabs to look like Westballz, except you won't because Starban can't Side-B off the stage to unranked players.
Forward tilt		Sheik WYA	1%	Starban swipes his leg forward in a very large arc, knocking all enemies in front of him upwards with fixed knockback and massive hitstun that just happen to lead into all of his combo and KO setups. The hitbox is obnoxiously large because his tech skill is boundless.
Up tilt		The Volcano of DISRESPECTFLKAJCKJF	27%	Starban lifts up his leg and charges energy. On frame 81, he slams it down to absolutely smite anyone who is foolish enough to be in that range after waiting 81 freaking frames for the animation to complete. Successfully landing this move will cause all commentators watching your match to absolutely explode with the amount of hype and disrespect (tm) you've just given your opponent, even though you'll probably only use this move after a shield break in which case it is not disrespectful at all. Also the only bad move that Starban has.
Down tilt		No wet noodles here	12%	Starban sticks his leg out, sending them straight away. It, too, comes out in one frame and would be one of his greatest neutral game options if his opponents could, you know, actually play the neutral game against him.
Dash attack		Mallet Spin	20%	Starban summons a flaming mallet out of nowhere and spins holding it. Has full invincibility and KOs around... hmm, random.org says 85%, so we'll go with that. The only problem with this move? Endlag. Is that actually a problem? Probably not, since, you know, forward tilt.
Forward smash		GAME OVER	20%	Starban releases a huge beam of energy out of his eyes that obliterates all of the foolish children who thought they could stand up to the power of the Batterwitch.
Up smash		TORYA	23%	Starban channels his inner Leffen Fox McCloud and does a flipping kick that murders floaties everywhere around the world.
Down smash		Straddling the broken threshold	16% (front), 19% (back)	Starban does a sweeping kick in front and behind him. It comes out in 5 frames (back hit in 10), making it nearly identical to Meta Knight's down smash, and thus it is "an excellent and not difficult to use move that is heavily used in all levels of play, and that is commonly seen as straddling the broken threshold." ("Straddling?" Really?)
Neutral aerial		Aerial splits	11%	Starban splits in the air, stretching out both legs for double the sex kicking. Since Starban takes ballet without raging about how they prohibit fast dash dancing, his legs are obnoxiously long, and don't decay in damage. Oh, and they come out on frame 3 and lead into literally all of his other aerials. Have fun, roll spammers. Oh, and if you tap A in the air instead of holding it, Starban's jab will come out, letting you shine your opponents until they cry.
Forward aerial		Goyball :|O Spike	17% (sweetspot), 7% (sourspot)	Starban smacks his opponents with a Goyball™. If he connects with the ball, the opponent will be brutally solicited into converting to the ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇᶫᵉ religion spiked into the abyss. If he somehow misses and his fortunate opponent touches his arm instead, they will be sent weakly upwards, allowing Starban to then follow up with whatever the hell he wants, because don't you love being further punished for your opponent not hitting a sweetspot?
Back aerial		Hassou Tobi	9% x 8	Starban releases several light cut attacks behind himself, trapping enemies in the maelstrom if they dare try to recover against him. The cuts don't always link into each other, but it's certainly possible, and a maximum of 72% damage from one move is probably enough to make your enemies turn into Leffen and toss their controllers. Also breaks shields faster than you can say "multishine." Eat your heart out, Hax.
Up aerial		BUY RAIDRAPTORS	2% (first hit), 5% + % of foe's strongest aerial (second hit)	Starban channels Kurosaki and RISE FALCONS the opponent, using their most powerful aerial's damage against them. The actual attack is Starban doing an overhead slash with a huge explosion effect and a falcon cry accompanying it.
Down aerial		Myriad Arrows	6% x 8	Starban releases a ton of arrows that have transcendent priority, clank all projectiles, and deal massive knockback when charged. Oh, and all of them spike. Best used after a Tentarafoo because Panic is broken.
Grab		Contract with Mewtwo	–	Well, looks like Starban went way deeper with signing a contract with Mewtwo than Marth did. His grab looks puny, but it actually has a hitbox that stretches out one FD length. Cue the .gifs that compare Starban's grab to Samus's tether.
Pummel		–	.5%	Starban smacks his opponent with lightning speed. Each pummel only lasts for 5 frames, allowing Starban to do 12 of these per second.
Forward throw		Beancounter 1	7%	Starban slaps his opponent intothetrash.bin with a fast leather belt. Bounces them up for combo shenanigans.
Back throw		Beancounter 2	19%	Starban throws the opponent overneath the bridge with a large Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. Well, goodbye Companion Cube, and enemy, because this KOs pretty obnoxiously early.
Up throw		Beancounter	17%	Starban reverse engineers the opponent to death with an atomic Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube. This throw's knockback increases the faster the character falls, so fastfallers' falling will not save them from falling to this anti-falling move.
Down throw		Beancounter 4	1%	Starban ˢᵉʳᶦᵒᵘˢ ᵗʳᵒᵘᵇᶫᵉs the opponent with a futuristic sheep. Basically like Snake's, this throw lays the opponent on the ground, giving Starban free grounded followups.
Floor attack (front)		–	–	Silly player. Starban can't fall down.
Floor attack (back)		–	–	Silly player. Starban can't fall down.
Floor attack (trip)		–	–	Silly player. Starban can't fall down.
Edge attack		–	–	Starban doesn't have time to grab onto your silly ledges. His jumps are so good that he makes it back to the stage. Always.
Neutral special		Flaco is fucking bad	4%	Starban shoots a laser that stuns the opponent. That isn't a typo. I said stun, not hitstun. Also, the lasers can't be powershielded.
Side special		Foul Deverinos	42%	Starban summons a sword and declares that he is the knight of smasherino, and that all Deverinos should stand back. If the opponent's character was recently buffed by the Smash 4.5 developers, they suffer 42% and massive knockback, forcing low tiered players to finally face the fact that their character sucks and they need to get good and not cry to the devs every time they get faired across the stage by Sheik. Or was it Twilight Sparkle? Who knows with all these strange newcomers?
Up special		WAIYAAAAAHH	9%	Starban surrounds himself in flames. A frame later, he charges in the direction of your control stick, dealing massive shield damage. If you leave your control stick in the neutral position, Starban will automatically either do a Mangle or a Mew2King angle, confounding your opponents without you even having to put any effort into playing the game.
Down special		Transform	–	Starban transforms into the character of your choice. Transform back by entering the Konami Code. A great way to force other players to learn obscure matchups.
Final Smash		MIND CRUSH	-999%	Starban's been holding back his power all match. You see, when you downloaded Starban, you only downloaded a fragment of his power, as to not overload your game with so much tech skill that it explodes from the massive amount of tech skill you've just injected into it at once. This Final Smash changes all of that. Upon activation, your game will automatically synch with the tech skill of the Ultraverse, allowing Starban to unlock his true power once again. Starban does a stage-wide, unavoidable, undodgeable mind crush that eviscerates all foes, dealing so much damage that the damage counter rolls back to -999% and launches other characters so far off the edges of the stage that they come out of your game. It'll take about a week for them to return to the game in one piece, so be a bit patient after every time you use this move, alright?

Oh yeah, and he has 255 jumps. Blame FirstaLasto.