John

This article is about dishonorable Smash excuses. For the smasher, see John Padilla.

A john is an excuse for losing, missing a recovery, being hit by an attack, or any number of unfavorable events in Smash.

[i](noun)[/i]

A statement or action that detracts from the validity or quality of a competition (or its implied significance), irrespective of truth.

[i](verb)[/i]

to express a john __________________________________________________ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ [B]Sportsmanship johns[/B] • Good match • Nice combo • I suck • You're much better than me • I should quit • I'm going to lose • I got lucky • You're too good • Nice mindgames • Good DI • Nice tech • Good sweetspot

[B]Self johns[/B] • I wasn't trying • I let you win • My fingers hurt • My hands are sweaty / greasy • My eyes hurt • I don't have my glasses • I'm tired • I've been drinking / toking • I'm hungry • I'm out of practice • I don't care • I don't own this game • I have a life • I'll win next time • I kept killing myself • I would win if I didn't SD so much • I'll whoop your as[u][i][/u][/i]s at another game • I just started learning how to play • I'm just playing for fun • I don't money match • I need my name tag on • I was the wrong color • I hate this controller slot • I need music while I play • I was just sandbagging • I know I'm better than you

[B]Foe johns[/B] • You suck • You need high-tier characters win • You have to counter-pick me to win • You play this game way too much • You play cheap • You hack / cheat / glitch • You're already warmed up • You play with better people • You take this too seriously

[B]Insult johns[/B] • **** you, you ****** ****er • Your mother • My pen[u][i][/u][/i]is > yours • at least I have a girlfriend

[B]Generic johns[/B] • Interesting • Wow.. • Hmmm • :sigh:

[B]Demographic johns[/B] • Can you stay out this late on a school night, kid? • Aren't you a little too old to play games? • Wow you're asian what chance did I have.. • Black people are inherently good at this sh[i][u][/i][/u]it! • Spanish FTW apparently.. • Wow I got beat by a girl.

[B]Hardware johns[/B] • The television is laggy • My controller is malfunctioning • I just got this controller • This isn't my controller • My controller is really old • I'm not used to this version of smash • It's not my gamecube / memory card

[B]Gameplay johns[/B] • I hate this starting position • The level gayed me • The game glitched • The camera sucks on this level • Pause messed me up • Vibration is throwing me off • WTF just happened • How did you hit me? • How did I miss you? • Pitch a tent, camper • Spam some more • You only have one move • There's nothing I can do! • Stop running from me • Chainthrowing is gay • That's so broken • Wow that took no skill • You're so predictable! • I wish my character would do what I wanted • Whatever this isn't my main • Items are retarded • C-stick is cheap • How did I miss the ledge? • Where was my midair?! • ****it I saw that coming • I so teched that • This game is so stupid • * L R A Start * • * hits controller, ganks plug *

[B]Level johns[/B] • Cloud denied me • Cloud saved you • Claptrap wrecked me • The barrel sucks • Moving levels are stupid • Wind fu[i][u][/i][/u]cked up my recovery • ... Poké Floats?!

[B]Anomaly johns[/B] • Phantom hit.. • Get luckier with misfire / judgement hammer / turnip pull plz • Woah, random spike / invisible ceiling glitch • I fell through the level..

[B]Environment johns[/B] • Temperature is uncomfortable • Lighting is poor • Smell / noise is distracting • TV is too small • Poor angle of the TV • This seat sucks • Volume is too low • DooDah is here

[B]Tournament johns[/B] • If I had gone I would've won • Pools / brackets are rigged • Seeding sucked • Facility is small / crappy • Not enough TVs • Poor venue • House take is too much • Pot is too small • Entry fee is too small • Entry fee is too large • Too far away • Home region advantage :'( • Taking too long • I play worse at tournaments • I was too nervous • I got pulled over for having TVs in the back of my car..

[B]Tournament Organizer johns[/B] • We're having a door fee in addition to our take of the pot • We expected more people • Not enough cubes/tvs • People are slowing us down • The AC isn't working • No outside food • Stop yelling • Noucles punched a hole in my wall • Bawls? Cost $2.00

[B]Team johns[/B] • My partner sucked • Too chaotic • They targeted me • Partner jacked my stock • Friendly fire blows • Wow this level lags

[B]FFA johns[/B] • I lost track of where I was • Omg team some more noobies • I can't edge guard! • I'm sorry I lost because I actually had balls and faught

[B]Crew johns[/B] • You guys got lucky with the lineup • Too bad we rape you guys in everything else • We were missing some people

[B]Forum johns[/B] • You're lucky you live far from me • I would wreck you IRL • You post like a 2 year old • You aren't funny • Learn some grammar • You don't know what you're talking about • I have more posts than you • I have more rep than you • My sign-up date is older • Use the search bar • TLDR

[B]Meta johns[/B] • No johns